Merry Christmas – Now eat your fucking sprouts!
Dec 22nd, 2009 by Fat Bastard

Brittany Murphy collapsed of a heart attack in the shower – She went out of the world as she came in to it, no not clueless, but completely naked.
Apparently her husband tried to revive her with chest massage, as did 3 passers by, the paramedics, the police, the fire crew, and the undertakers.

Brittany Murphy... Drop dead gorgeous.

Brittany Murphy + see through dress = Drop dead gorgeous.

When I was a kid, my mum would send me down the shops with 50p. I could get a joint of beef, a dozen eggs, 2 loaves of bread and a pair of jeans. Those days are long gone now though…fucking CCTV!

Nothing wrong with using a mirror glued to the toe of your shoe... But hooray for modern upskirt view technology.

X Factor’s is Stacey Soloman is going to be huge. But I still would.

Big (very big!) X factor star, Stacey Soloman

Rage against the Simon Cowell Machine
Dec 20th, 2009 by Fat Bastard

RATM verses Joe McElderry… ‘Bullying’ says X-Factor multi-millionaire Simon Cowell.
Bullying? This coming from the smug twat who’s reduced dozens of youngsters to tears with his needlessly cruel comments.
‘Scowell’ planned the X Factor final to finish a week before the Christmas charts so the winner can flood the music market and win the prized number one spot over the holiday period. Rage Against The Machine have, with the backing of (for once a sensible) Facebook campain, thrown a much deserved spanner in the Cowell works. Wicked:)
I’ve never paid for a single download in my life. Until this week. A week that’s seen Cowell’s sterile pop monopoly stopped in it’s tracks. The race to the top of UK charts has become exciting again.
Killing in the name is a shit hot rock track. The Climb is just shit.

Congrats to RATM on your UK number one this Christmas 🙂

Out Rage - Simon Cowell

Out-Rage-d - Simon Cowell

There’s no better eye candy than a cute naked girl…

Yummy! Wrap her up for Christmas

Yummy! Wrap her up for Christmas

But always look twice before you whip your cock out!

girl boy

boy-girl-blow-job

Anyway, whilst on the subject of animals, my girlfriend was gonna fork  £100 of my hard earned at the vets today… After a long illness our faithful old mongrel has to be put to sleep.
Unfortunately, while she was in bed last night, it accidentally ate 60 paracetamol tablets, and drank half a bottle of vodka. Clumsy old thing.

Fuck a Duck

Fuck a Duck

Goodbye Foxy :(
Dec 5th, 2009 by Fat Bastard

Amanda Knox guilty? Guilty of giving me a hard on everytime I saw her on TV maybe, but that’s about all.
I can’t help but imagine 26 years in a womens prison… fuck I’m gettin’ a boner again!

Anyway, whilst on the subject of prick-pleasers, I spotted this bikini shot of Emma Watson doing the rounds – Spoilt though by two things… (1) The bikini, and (2) If you squint a little bit it looks like she’s got some sort of animals cock.

Emma Watson, over-dressed.

Emma Watson, over-dressed.

What to do with all the used condoms you’ve thrown under the bed after the event?
Simple. Turn fashion guru and have her model the next catwalk phenomena.

condom skirt

One size fits all

Ugliest picture I’ve seen all week…

There's a fine line between living with these man-boobs and suicide

There's a fine line between living with man-boobs and suicide

And not the ugliest picture I’ve seen all week…

She's board

She's board

Looney Tattoons
Dec 3rd, 2009 by Fat Bastard

I was down the pub the other night when this half tasty bird walks up, eyes up my beer belly and asks, “Is that Guinness or Stella?”
I told her, “There’s a tap underneath love, help yourself.” Then she showed me her tattoo and I swear I heard wedding bells.

As if you needed to be told!

As if you needed to be told!

Her boyfriend came over and introduced himself. Time for a sharp exit.

He couldn't understand why he didn't get that job at MacDonalds

He couldn't understand why he didn't get that job as toilet cleaner at McDonalds

It was pissing down and I was getting soaked – So I went to McDonalds and asked for a big mac.

Big Buns, but hold the ketchup.

Big Buns, but no ketchup?

And after the wettest November ever in UK history, it’s still pissing down…

And her mouth is wide open...Why?

Her mouth is wide open... And they say blondes are dumb!

Tiger becomes a Lion Cheetah
Dec 1st, 2009 by Fat Bastard

Elin Nordegren’s as fit as – So why the fuck would Tiger Woods ever want to play away from home? Yeh OK, waitress Jaimee Grubbs, ten years his junior and also fit as, fair play.
You gotta feel for him though. His misses clocks his txt’s and beats the fuck out of him. He’s so shit scared he runs out of his house and jumps in his motor to escape the mad bitch.

Then, she chases him down the drive and he’s so dazed from her having slapped him around that he meets up with a tree and fire hydrant at high speed.  Ouch.
Pyscho wife catches up and then proceeds to smash his car up with his own golf club. But, to cap it all, he’s now been charged by the old bill and faces a fine of up to $180.

Christ, glad I’m not a Billionaire playboy with the worlds cushiest job!

Just playin' around

Just playing 'around'

Talking of sport, but good sports this time, 19 yr old Anita Fillet (prob not her real name) sent me a pictue of her tits. Thanks slut.

Which one's she talkin' about?

Which one's she talkin' about?

She also sent me a ‘pervert test’ pic – Look through the camera strap. Obviously, I see an armpit – What about you?

Three girls in a bedroom. Christmas and birthday in one.

Three girls in a bedroom. Christmas and birthday in one.

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