» x factor

Susan Boyle – The seX-Factor

Fat Bastard — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 15:57:57 +0000

Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, Katie Price (Jordan)… They and many other skanks boosted their careers by sucking and fucking on film. The celebrity ’stolen’ sex tape has given a boost to dozens of talentless bimbo’s…
And the latest to jump on this gravy train of sleaze? None other than Scotlands own, X-factor singing sensation, Susan Boyle!
See Subo in all her glory Tits Out and Sucking Cock – Not a pretty sight, but at least it stops her singing for a few minutes!

Subo - The seX-Factor

I got a txt message yesterday, obviously meant for someone else, it said:
‘Hi, be home soon, love ya loads, Steve xxx’
Course, I had to have a bit of fun so I txt the guy back:
‘Don’t bother you ugly cunt, I don’t love You and I’ve been fucking your brother’
I couldn’t wait for the reply… Then it came:
‘You OK Mum?’

Txt Messages - Getting your priorities right

Your Mum’s so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending

Katie Price has gone too far this time

I tried my hand at a valentines day verse to try and charm the knickers off my gf….
‘Roses are red, but there’s also white, pink and yellow varieties too.
Violets aren’t actually blue, they’re fucking violet, hence the name!’
I’ve got OCD. And my poetry skills are also lacking so fuck it, it’s another wank tonight.

A cross I have to bear

Merry Christmas – Now eat your fucking sprouts!

Fat Bastard — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 10:12:24 +0000

Brittany Murphy collapsed of a heart attack in the shower – She went out of the world as she came in to it, no not clueless, but completely naked.
Apparently her husband tried to revive her with chest massage, as did 3 passers by, the paramedics, the police, the fire crew, and the undertakers.

Brittany Murphy + see through dress = Drop dead gorgeous.

When I was a kid, my mum would send me down the shops with 50p. I could get a joint of beef, a dozen eggs, 2 loaves of bread and a pair of jeans. Those days are long gone now though…fucking CCTV!

Nothing wrong with using a mirror glued to the toe of your shoe... But hooray for modern upskirt view technology.

X Factor’s is Stacey Soloman is going to be huge. But I still would.

Big (very big!) X factor star, Stacey Soloman

Rage against the Simon Cowell Machine

Fat Bastard — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 10:27:46 +0000

RATM verses Joe McElderry… ‘Bullying’ says X-Factor multi-millionaire Simon Cowell.
Bullying? This coming from the smug twat who’s reduced dozens of youngsters to tears with his needlessly cruel comments.
‘Scowell’ planned the X Factor final to finish a week before the Christmas charts so the winner can flood the music market and win the prized number one spot over the holiday period. Rage Against The Machine have, with the backing of (for once a sensible) Facebook campain, thrown a much deserved spanner in the Cowell works. Wicked:)
I’ve never paid for a single download in my life. Until this week. A week that’s seen Cowell’s sterile pop monopoly stopped in it’s tracks. The race to the top of UK charts has become exciting again.
Killing in the name is a shit hot rock track. The Climb is just shit.

Congrats to RATM on your UK number one this Christmas

Out-Rage-d - Simon Cowell

There’s no better eye candy than a cute naked girl…

Yummy! Wrap her up for Christmas

But always look twice before you whip your cock out!

Anyway, whilst on the subject of animals, my girlfriend was gonna fork £100 of my hard earned at the vets today… After a long illness our faithful old mongrel has to be put to sleep.
Unfortunately, while she was in bed last night, it accidentally ate 60 paracetamol tablets, and drank half a bottle of vodka. Clumsy old thing.

Fuck a Duck